Difficult conversations : how to discuss what matters most / Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen.
2010
BF637.C45 S78 2010 (Map It)
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Author
Title
Difficult conversations : how to discuss what matters most / Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen.
Published
New York : Penguin Books, [2010]
Copyright
©2010
Call Number
BF637.C45 S78 2010
Edition
Tenth anniversary edition, [second edition].
ISBN
9780143118442 (pbk.) :
0143118447 (pbk.) :
0143118447 (pbk.) :
Description
xxxiii, 315 pages : illustrations ; 20 cm
System Control No.
(OCoLC)671252867
Note
"With a foreword by Roger Fisher"--Cover.
"Updated with answers to the 10 most frequently asked questions about difficult conversations"--Cover.
First published in the U.S.A. by Viking Penguin, 1999.
"Updated with answers to the 10 most frequently asked questions about difficult conversations"--Cover.
First published in the U.S.A. by Viking Penguin, 1999.
Record Appears in
Gift
Gift of Columbia Law Review, purchased from the income of the Edith L. Fisch fund
Added Author
Gift
The Arthur W. Diamond Law Library
Gift of Columbia Law Review, purchased from the income of the Edith L. Fisch fund
Table of Contents
Preface to the Second Edition
ix
Foreword / Roger Fisher
xvii
Acknowledgments
xix
Introduction
xxvii
The Problem
1
1.
Sort Out the Three Conversations
3
Shift to a Learning Stance
21
The "What Happened?" Conversation
23
2.
Stop Arguing About Who's Right: Explore Each Other's Stories
25
3.
Don't Assume They Meant It: Disentangle Intent from Impact
44
4.
Abandon Blame: Map the Contribution System
58
The Feelings Conversation
83
5.
Have Your Feelings (Or They Will Have You)
85
The Identity Conversation
109
6.
Ground Your Identity: Ask Yourself What's at Stake
111
Create a Learning Conversation
129
7.
What's Your Purpose? When to Raise it and When to Let Go
131
8.
Getting Started: Begin from the Third Story
147
9.
Learning: Listen from the Inside Out
163
10.
Expression: Speak for Yourself with Clarity and Power
185
11.
Problem-Solving: Take the Lead
201
12.
Putting it all Together
217
Ten Questions People Ask About Difficult Conversations
235
1.
It sounds like you're saying everything is relative. Aren't some things just true, and can't someone simply be wrong?
238
2.
What if the other person really does have bad intentions---lying, bullying, or intentionally derailing the conversation to get what they want?
244
3.
What if the other person is genuinely difficult, perhaps even mentally ill?
249
4.
How does this work with someone who has all the power---like my boss?
258
5.
If I'm the boss/parent, why can't I just tell my subordinates/children what to do?
264
6.
Isn't this a very American approach? How does it work in other cultures?
268
7.
What about conversations that aren't face-to-face? What should I do differently if I'm on the phone or e-mail?
273
8.
Why do you advise people to "bring feelings into the workplace"? I'm not a therapist, and shouldn't business decisions be made on the merits?
278
9.
Who has time for all this in the real world?
283
10.
My identity conversation keeps getting stuck in either-ro: I'm perfect or I'm horrible. I can't seem to get past that. What can I do?
287
A Rood Map to Difficult Conversations
297
Notes on Some Relevant Organizations
313